-Well, once I was working on one task but couldn't really focus on it because in the room there was also a girl which was very hot. So I walked up to her and said, 'Could you not be so hot, please? Just for a while. I'm trying to concentrate on my work. ' She laughed and left the room. And then I successfully finished my project. -Impressive. You seem to have very good negotiation skills. -Thank you. -Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time? -Well, I do have a good imagination. Not because I have seen a lot of naked women but rather because I have been a painter for a long lime. -Are you saying that in 5 years you see yourself as a painter of naked women? -You know, such a brilliant idea has never occurred to my mind but thank you for informing me about the possibility of getting such kind of promotion. -Pardon? -Just kidding. -OK, next question. How do you feel about substituting your colleagues? -I would actually be more than happy to substitute them! -Great! … -By visiting their wives and girlfriends when my colleagues are at work.
-So, the last question. Do you have any questions for us? But serious questions, please. -Alright. Who build the Egyptian pyramids? -Egyptians. -Who made cuneiform inscriptions on Sumerian clay tablets? -Sumerians. -Who invented Google. -Google. -Okay, Google… Google: Serious questions, please.
-What are your salary expectations? -I like to have it with tomatoes, cucumbers, and sweet peppers. -I mean 'SALARY expectations', not 'SALAD expectations'. Alright, let's move on. What is your biggest weakness? On second thoughts, I already know. -And what is it? -A lack of seriousness. -Yes, but I try hard to develop it. -And what do you do to develop seriousness? -I have a bowl of cereal every morning. -Here comes the next question. Have you ever had an office romance? -No, that would be quite unprofessional, wouldn't it? I only have office sex. -Why did you choose our company? But don't say, 'Because I had noticed a lot of hot girls working here. ', please. I do value a good sense of humour but I also value а balance. -Alright. I chose your company because I had noticed a lot of MODERATELY hot girls working here. -How many languages do you speak? -Five. -Impressive. Can you demonstrate that? -Sure. Here we go. Meow! Woof! Roar! Cuckoo! … -… And what is the fifth language? -The fifth language is fish language.
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-Please, tell me something about yourself. -Sure. Which selfie do you want me to tell about? -I mean 'yourself', not 'your selfie'. Are you hard-working? -Pretty much yes. I walked really hard trying to find your office. -What do you do in your leisure time? -What sort of pleasure are you talking about? -'Leisure time', not 'Pleasure time'. -Well, I enjoy the process of not working. -Do you get along well with your co-workers? -Yes, and with cows too. -I meant CO-workers, not COW workers. OK, the next question. Why did you choose this position? -Funnily enough, my girlfriend asks me the very same question when we are about to have sex. -Alright, doesn't matter. Are you sociable? -Definitely. I have inner dialogues 25 hours a day. -Have you had any bad experiences? -No, in the office I have only had table experiences. -I mean bAd experiences, not bEd experiences. Okay, let's ask the question this way: What was the biggest challenge you faced in your career and how did you deal with it?
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